If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
If IBM made toasters... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Xerox made toasters... You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
If Radio Shack made toasters... The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
If Thinking Machines made toasters... You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
If Cray made toasters... They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
If the Rand Corporation made toasters... It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
If the NSA made toasters... Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.
If Sony made toasters... The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.
If Timex made toasters... They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.
If Fisher Price made toasters... 'Baby's First Toaster' would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a jack-in-the-box.
If Microsoft made toasters... Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster '02 would weigh 15,000 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters... It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but five years earlier.
"Get Paid To Make People Laugh" (without being a comedian or a clown) by John Cantu Imagine getting paid to make people laugh... even if you can't tell a joke. It's perhaps the most fun way to earn an extra $700 to $7,000 a month ever created. And, you can do it part time -- at your convenience -- or full time. It's completely up to you. How? Humor coach and former owner of the legendary San Francisco comedy club, the Holy City Zoo, John Cantu was interviewed to uncover the never-before-revealed -- and fail-safe -- approaches he has used with his clients over the past 30 years. This ebook is packed with practical, easy-to-implement, and often surprising information. For example, it makes absolutely no difference how young, old, tall, short, funny, attractive, educated or shy you may be. And, no specialized skills are required. You don't even need to be good at telling jokes. Cantu says: "If you are able to talk to other people, you can succeed at earning money with humor!" Best of all, Cantu shows you exactly how in this entertaining and to-the-point ebook. It is filled with ingenious, easy to use, no-fail ideas, techniques and methods... guaranteed to work for you. CLICK HERE!
"The Fun Factor: 10 Ways You Can Be Happier... Right Now!" by Clifford Kuhn "You’re in for an unusual treat, a treat that is only exceeded by the treat I’m getting writing the foreword to this wonderful book by my friend, Cliff Kuhn. When I received the manuscript I couldn’t wait to read it, and read it I did, twice. And I’m proud to be a small part of what I believe is one of the best “how to” books I have ever read. The “how to” aspect comes from one of the most prolific men of medicine I have ever known. As well as being an expert about laughter and the healing power it can bring, Cliff Kuhn brings us into the broader world of humor that has been either verboten or laid back so far that no one has recognized it. It needed someone like Cliff to breathe some air into it for all to see and understand." CLICK HERE!
The Big Book of Irish Jokes
Billy and Pa' were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted".
Billy said, "Ye know Pa', it's a shame paddy isn't here. We could have gotten the job".
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A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop.
He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?".
The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol."
So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?"
And the attendant responds "Sorry, but no oil either."
The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that.
The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant, "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?"
The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front."
The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tires!"
This 26 page ebook contains 75 of the best Irish jokes you'll find anywhere. You'll laugh so hard you'll blow Guinness out your nose. CLICK HERE!
